What's in a Name?
by The Boisterous Anomaly
Summary: The Meta-Crisis Doctor and Rose try to figure out a new name for him to go by. No plot, really, just an experiment for the author.


A/N: Hey guys! So as I'm taking a mega-mini break from 'Epidemic', I've written this little one-shot/drabble/not-exactly-crack sort of thing to get some juices flowing. Mind you all, this is an experiment, so there's little to no thought about plot or proofreading! But I thought it was interesting, so I thought I'd post it.

Disclaimer: If you recognize anything, I don't own it.

"Rose?" The Meta-Crisis Doctor asked more quietly than usual. He looked up from his copy of the newspaper. Well, when he says 'newspaper', he means 'the funnies section backed up with the business section so it looks like he's reading something serious'.

"Hmm?" her high-pitched voice uttered from behind her lips. Just across the bistro table sat his beautiful blonde human. Those same lips were thrust forward slightly as she focused her honey-brown eyes on her tablet and her delicate fingertip glided silently across the surface. From the small black tablet, various clucks, cuckoos, and crashes could be heard. Seemed like she wasn't doing anything serious either.

"Listen, Rose," he shifted forward in his seat, uncrossing his legs and folding up his newspaper, "I've decided to go by a new name."

Rose Tyler's eyes shot up to him, her bird game had silenced. She put her tablet back into its case and slipped it into her pink purse. Her jaw had tensed up and she blinked at him a couple times.

"Go by a new name?" she repeated, "I thought 'Doctor' was fine."

The Doctor looked away for a split second, his hand rubbing across his face. He leaned back in his chair, letting his hand flop over the armrest.

"Yeah, but I'm a new man. Well, _newish_… And I need to go by a new, well, _newish_ name." Rose didn't respond. "I'm human now. I need to adapt, you know?"

She stayed silent for a moment more, folded her arms and rested forward on the table, letting her jaw loosen and sticking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth.

"So not John Smith?" she suggested.

"I said newish name."

"Beats me, then."

"Oh c'mon! You must have at least a couple ideas!"

"Jimmy Stone." The sarcasm in her words reeked.

"That's just mean." He pointed accusingly. Her smile finally broke through and glowed. She grasped her cup of lukewarm coffee and took a swig before licking her lip and setting it back down.

"Well you want the name change. You _must_ have some ideas."

The Doctor threw his hands up and shook his head, responding with a simple:

"I haven't the slightest!"

"Come on, Doctor. _Think—!"_

"_Aright!_ Alright. I have a couple." He brought his hand up to his face, fighting back a wide grin, "Samuel Lawrence Jackson…"

"Samuel Lawrence…" Rose marinated on that name for a beat. Her jaw dropped, hiding her smile. "No!"

"What?" he laughed back, throwing his hands back up in question.

"Samuel L. Jackson?"

"Fine. How about 'Lorimer Pemberly Kensington IV'? Added that title for good measure." His suggestion only earned him a dark glare. "Ouch… That is definitely a 'No'."

"You've travelled with other people before. What are some of their names?"

The Doctor ran a hand through his messy and sticky-uppy hair and released a long sigh. Most of his past companions were, sadly to say, female…

"Well, there was Adric." He said, wincing as if an old wound was acting up. In a way, it was an old wound.

"Adric…?"

"No, not that name."

"Why not?" Rose insisted. He looked up into her asking eyes. But he just shook his head.

"I'd rather leave that alone. Just another one of my many mistakes. Not that name."

"Alright, any other names?"

"Harry Sullivan."

"That's not bad."

"Not that one either. I won't have it!"

"What is it this time?" Rose asked, tilting her head to the side. "Another old wound? C'mon Doctor, you want a new name."

"Yeah." He sniffed. "But I'm not naming myself after _him_! He was a total imbecile. And he flirted with Sarah Jane too much." Rose held a hand up, glancing blankly in the direction of her napkin.

"Say no more! Move on." She said, moving her eyes back up just in time to see The Doctor huff and tug on his dark grey coat.

"Ahh, then there was Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart. Good old Brigadier or Brig for short. " The Doctor chuckled as he folded his arms. "You never met him, Rose. But he was brilliant. Although, we did have some rough spots during most of my third regeneration…" he rubbed the back of his neck. "I was force to be dealt with back then, Rose. It was either my way, or the high way. Then again, what other ways do I go by?"

Rose's lips curled inwards, her brown eyes averted. She was thinking. That was her thinking face.

"How about Stewart Gordon for a name?" her fingers folded under her chin as her eyes flashed back in his direction. "Or Gordon Stewart?" The Doctor's mouth opened and closed again as he pondered on Rose's suggestions. The seemed like plausible names, but something about them didn't feel right. His nose wrinkled as he shook his head.

"Jamie McCrimmon! Haha!" he clapped his hands together as he laughed merrily. The Doctor sat upright and pointed a finger in his fiancée's direction. "Aww, you would've loved him!" He sat back again, staring directly into Rose's eyes as he tried to remember those past companions. He was going pretty far back now, and those memories were beginning to become slightly blurry at the edges. Yet _another_ pitfall of the human body: limited memory. The Doctor slowly stroked his chin and his eyes narrowed.

"Ian."

Rose's eyes peered over her cup as she downed the rest of her now-cold coffee. "Hmm?"

"Ian Chesterton, one of my first companions on Earth. He was Susan's science teacher back when we visited Earth in the 60's. Earned a lot of my respect, he did." Ian had a good head on his shoulders, and he was loyal. And he loved explaining the TARDIS's systems to him, who was thoroughly curious, between their adventures. He was brave and loyal. He especially liked how well he treated Susan. Major points there. He could consider Ian almost an equal. Well, as close a _normal_ human who wasn't Rose, could be.

"Ian Chesterton. I sort of like that." Rose commented.

"Ian, yeah. But Chesterton?"

"You always have Smith to fall back on."

The Doctor's eyes lit up as a grin spread across his face. There it was: his new name. It was new and different, but yet familiar in so many other aspects.

"You are brilliant, Rose. You really are." He pointed out, his grin set to full blast. He stood up and leaned over the bistro table to plant a peck on her cheek.

"Smith? I thought you wanted a newish name."

"I liked _Smith_, I was bored with _John_. Ian Smith. I like it." He continued, resting his hands on the back of his head and leaning as far back as his chair would allow, even so far as to tip it back slightly. But his eyes widened and his chair tipped back forward as his hands swung down to grip his chair's armrests. "Middle name! I need a middle name!" he rubbed his face, seeming almost defeated.

"Well, Doct—I mean Ian. I don't have any clue."

"I need to come up with _something_! They're _important_! I mean, the middle name is what can differentiate a John Jacob Smith from a John Delaney Smith! It's _that_ important! Wait a minute…"

"What? You got something already—?" Rose started, but Doctor-Ian held up a finger and shushed her.

"Important… Important. The _most_ important. WOMAN! The most important woman. Rose Tyler? Tyler? Ian Tyler Smith? Sorry, love, but no. Important woman, important woman. Donna! Noble! Donna Noble. Ian Noble. Ian Noble Smith…" Doctor-Ian mumbled as his Time Lord brain worked to figure out a middle name. He abruptly leapt up out of his chair, throwing it back, "That's perfect! Molto benne!" he threw his hands out, smacking a nervous-looking busboy in the face. Fortunately, he was only carrying a humongous pile of plates, glasses, and silverware in his tiny plastic tray. It all fell to the floor with clangs, crashes, and clatters.

The newly-named Meta-Crisis clone looked back at his fiancée only to see her bury her face in her hands. He then looked over at the mess he caused, grimacing.

"Did I do that?"

"Yes, you did. And you better clean that up or pay for it, Ian Noble Smith." Rose said from behind her hands. Ian shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged.

"Oh well, at least I have my name now."


End file.
